I’ve been told my pain is heavy


maybe it’s trying to say the things my mouth

doesn’t know how to


maybe it’s trying to say the things I fear

nobody cares to hear


but I feel, too

more than I show


I hurt, too

in my bones

in places I didn’t know could hurt

places I didn’t know existed



I’ve been told my pain is heavy


that it’s “difficult” to be around

that my silent hurting is louder

than if I were to scream it from the mountains


my pain is heavy

and loud

and sometimes threatens to crush my beauty

my light

my soul


but what good is my screaming if nobody comes

what good is my silence

or my tears

if all my calls go unanswered


- a cry for help


my self-love is not disrespectful

I will not feed your ego

to prove my love

because its appetite is too big

requires too much

and it would swallow me whole

and still be unsatisfied


my self-love is not disrespectful

my self-love is not selfish

it is self-preservation

it is a kindness

to a soul neglected

a refusal to be a quick-fix

to your never-ending hunger


I feel

my new favourite part of the day


that time betwixt worlds

the end of the night

the coming morning so faint

it’s only a feeling

before the light breaks

when the sound of dew drops forming

gentle as baby’s breath

mingles with starlight

as the trees creak slowly open

stretching their branches

before the first birdsong



when the veil lifts

do I find peace





when your catalyst appears

do not run


embrace it

kiss it

weep for it

rejoice in it

surrender to it

dance in agony

and ecstasy

for it does not come in peace


it comes in the building and destruction

of monuments


it comes in tears

it comes in pain

it comes in hard truths

and earthquakes

in devastation

in blessings disguised 

as loss


it comes in love

but you’ve never seen love before

so you hardly recognize it 

when it walks in